.
I even found myself watching the first episode of American Gladiators. It made me feel nostalgic for the time when I was a young child watching the original American Gladiators in the 80s/early 90s. I remember cheering on Turbo and Laser and 2 x 4 and Maxi Pad and whatever their names were... So I watched the first episode of the new American Gladiators (justifying it with "Well I can stand it, if you can stand it..." and "Well, I'm watching it for ironic reasons" and "At least I'm not watching this alone. That would be kind of sad").
It pretty much seemed like the same show from the 80s (except now Hulk Hogan is one of the hosts). Twenty years later and they haven't really advanced any of the 'technology' on the show. I still have the impression that the whole arena and all it's equipment is made out of cardboard, plywood, and duct tape. They're still using tennis balls in that "Try to Shoot the Target, Without Getting Hit by These Tennis Balls" obstacle course -- what? no upgrade to lasers? Imagine the contestants trying to hit a target while trying to avoid getting their flesh singed off with a laser...I bet they'd be running a lot quicker. Come on guys, it's the 2000s! Get with it.
I may just be less naive now than I was when I was a kid...but the gladiators seem way more "juiced up gay dudes" and "no, really, that chick is a man" and "hey, that gladiator looks like they've done some porn work before" than the 80s gladiators. And what's with the black and silver uniforms? Where's my patriotic colors and stars from the 80s? One gladiator actually has a bodice as part of her uniform. How is that helping with the joust?
Finally, I could not watch that show again for multiple reasons. One reason is the gladiator named "Wolf". That guy scares me on such a high level that I'm not even able to watch the show for fear that I would have to look into his cold, black eyes. Seriously, the guy has killed someone. Probably with his bare hands and his teeth. I can really imagine this guy biting someone to death, and not just because his name is Wolf.
.
Last weekend there was a Hey Paula marathon on TV (the train wreck of a reality show starring Paula Abdul). I was so glad I caught it. Because I saw a preview for it in the states a while back, but they didn't get it here in Canada. Hey Paula is so ridiculously good. Paula really does seem high/insane all the time. I probably watched half of the show through the cracks of my fingers as I held my hands up to my face. It's so hard to watch sometimes. She really is the saddest person. That show made me feel really bad for her and it gave me a new-found sympathy for her (she is a really sensitive, insomniac, workaholic with chronic pain...she actually has metal plates/screws in her neck, and she has terrible assistants that never listen to her and never do what she says and they laugh when she's crying). Pretty much sad-bastardville.
As for American Idol...Randy...seriously? The facial hair? The huge sideburns? Seriously?
I also love that on tonight's episode, Randy was talking about how the first day of the South Carolina auditions were kind of lackluster, but he thinks they'll be better the second day because they usually get good auditions in the south. But...to put those thoughts to words he actually said "the south is gonna rise again, you know what I'm sayin'." Yeah... I don't think he knows what he's saying. You probably want to use another phrase, Randy. A non-the-South-will-avenge-the-civil-war-and-will-succeed-at-secession phrase. Just a suggestion. I'm guessing you're not in favor of a re-institution of slavery...
Finally, I will conclude with:
Another tale of an American In Canada:
I just recently discovered that Corn Pops cereal is different here. For one, the cereal is spherical. It's a ball. Whereas in the U.S., the cereal is flatter and longer. Second, the texture is different here. The texture is similar to Cap'N Crunch (the texture that rips up the roof of your mouth). Also, it tastes different. The U.S. version is sweeter. The Canadian version tastes like a combination of Kix and Cap'N Crunch. Finally, the Canadian version is packed in a clear plastic bag. Whereas the U.S. version is in that foil-lined bag. Interesting...
